Just how to Have Lesbian Intercourse The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How can you have lesbian sex? We get expected this concern everyday from lesbians of any age who possessn’t had lesbian gender and are usually stressed they don’t really know “how.” Really, listen: taking pleasure in gender isn’t really about memorizing 16 positions or understanding the greatest perspective to fuck from, enjoying lesbian gender is half-animal half-heart and simply rarely provides it had gotten anything to carry out together with your logical head, or cognitive reason, or any such thing you could tell you or whatever you could read on cyberspace.

Although it really is correct that one day you will end up more confident and experienced than you might be now, it’s also true that your body was created knowing how having sex think its great came into this world knowing how for eating. Your first time doesn’t always have is a big deal, many of us you should not even recall the basic occasions. At the same time, if you like that it is an issue, it can be. But in the long run every lover varies — completely, completely, totally different — through the then.
Just what exactly could we show, truly

Nevertheless — simultaneously, most of us remember a period when lesbian sex decided fumbling, or improv, attempting to perform an activity we did not understand, like badminton. Or a hobby everybody believed we should be effective in but we weren’t. At the same time, others remember moving into bed and instinctually being aware what accomplish as soon as of entryway. Many folks had gender with guys within our adolescents and failed to bang a female ’til our mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies once again. So we can recognize how you will feel slightly better knowing a little before you take the leap.

Ladies sexuality, aside from queer sexuality, is normally dismissed by gender ed programs. And while many heteros find out about gender together in their very early teenagers, many lesbians never begin that very early and/or are not fellow socialized in to the intimate market like straights are, and additionally which our entire mass media tradition is actually organized about and obsessed with heterosexual intercourse.

Therefore we’re gonna return to principles. However, as we write this blog post, we have been a little concerned we do not have fucking concept what we’re discussing. Hopefully to open a dialogue for

commenters to fairly share unique tales and encounters and for everybody to ask concerns!


This blog post (originally written in 2010 and largely unaltered from that time) centers on lesbian intercourse between cisgender females, although can also be mostly appropriate to sex between any a couple with vulvas, and packed with great advice for anybody having sex with somebody who has a vulva. The vocabulary in this post, unlike the majority of all of our sex content material, reflects that mainly for Search Engine Optimization purposes. However, trans ladies are ladies and the majority of truly have actually lesbian intercourse, and read some of all of our many some tips on that during these posts:
Just How To Have Lesbian Gender With A Trans Girl
F*cking Trans Females
Harnesses for Trans Women

Pre-Game Your Own Lesbian Sex


For those who have a vulva therefore want to learn how to make one with a vulva feel great, you’ve got the advantage of making use of yourself for an examination topic — not that what pleases you can expect to kindly your lover, but it’s a-start. Most likely your showerhead were aware of this since childhood, however if you are not used to self pleasure or new to orgasming, here is
just how to masturbate like a champ.
While you’re at it,
here’s how exactly to get a vibrator

Being a professional masturbator will allow you to end up being a fruitful enthusiast above all else you could potentially actually do, actually. You won’t just know how your spouse can kindly you, but you will have some concept of how-to please them.

Added Bonus:

Touching your self together with your denim jeans and lingerie on (you can unzip your denim jeans, but do not draw all of them down) may be excellent rehearse to suit your date to

Twilight Complete Eclipse From The Sun



When you are turned on, you could feel comfortable or flushed. The nipples can get erect, your clit and vulva will swell due to improved blood flow. Inside your human anatomy, the top of the snatch will develop.


Browse your own insides. The exterior of everyone’s vulva is a whole new continent, however the insides tend to be fairly like one another, so it’s a great sneak peek when you yourself have one.


If you one, view your own vadge in the mirror. I know you’re read through this and think “OH our GOD I MIGHT NEVER” and not get it done. Get over yourself. Put
a screwing mirror
between your legs and look for your shit!

Understand Your Own Vaginal Situation, When You Yourself Have One

First things 1st: people typically make use of the term “vagina” whenever speaing frankly about the female vaginal region, which in fact isn’t correct. The right phase to suit your external vaginal region is “vulva.” The vagina is within you, connecting the vulva to your cervix. Here’s
a good post from teenage Vogue that enters all the information about anatomy

Now you’re resting here together with your mirror, let’s review the anatomy of a cisgender woman’s vulva.


Your own clitoris consists of the glans/head (the quintessential delicate spend 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the bonnet (which drapes across the glans) together with shaft (that is typically 1.9 cm in length). Some clits are larger than other people, and pretty much all ladies can orgasm from clitoral arousal.

Labia Majora:

All of them be your “pussy mouth.” Then,
the labia minora
will be the asymmetrical delicate retracts of softy spongy erecticle structure within the labia majora. Some labia minoras extend through the majoras several tend to be put away around. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras is the first place in which you’ll realize that
every woman’s vagina seems distinct from another’s


: your own genital access is below your clit and urethral orifice (aka where in actuality the pee arrives). Genital structure is actually elastic, you have heard that infants leave it and fists can go in it. All of the nerve endings have been in the outer 3rd in the pussy (to put it differently: don’t worry about having little arms, its nbd).

many vulvas highlighted contained in this pussy art by jamie mccatney


Place a finger in your pussy. Today generate a “come hither” motion towards forward wall surface of your vagina. Will you feel that place with a texture unlike everything else’s consistency? It really is a sponge about the size of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, right facing the uterus. Some females discover g-spot pleasure as well intensive, some detest it, some want it, some can orgasm as a result, and a few can female ejaculate from this.



The flat area within pudendal cleft therefore the rectum. Some females find this particular area intimately sensitive and painful. Slangily named “the taint” ’cause it ain’t the genitals and it also isn’t the asshole.

Brushing for Lesbian Intercourse


You certainly can do virtually what you want together with your hair, although eliminating it entirely
allows you to susceptible to problems
and it will end up being extremely itchy! Here’s
some data on your tresses removing behaviors

Pointers if you find yourself gonna remove some locks:

  • If you possess the money plus the time, laser treatment is the greatest way of getting eliminate hair because area the long-lasting. It’s generally asserted that hair laser removal increases results on lighter epidermis tones, but
    the good news is that’s modifying
  • For most of us, waxing will be the best/cheapest solution to “tidy up” without ingrowns. According to your own skin tone and susceptibility, waxing risk turning your skin a lovely color of crimson for every day, so itinerary correctly. We recommend getting hired accomplished by an expert, but if you want to DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    inexpensive and easy for newbies
    and is it system from
  • If you’re shaving, you could get upset significant razor burn which sometimes appears like lots of red bumps around your neighborhood.
    Bikini Zone will help you with this
  • Any time you shave a day or two before starting up, anybody who goes down you will feel these are typically inserting their own face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Ensure your nails are because quick as you are able to and efficiently recorded. If you have lengthy fingernails or acrylics,
here’s how exactly to have intercourse safely without sacrificing them
. Maintaining your hands mega-extra-super-duper-clean is vital. Get involved in it extra-safe by employing some useful
latex or nitrile gloves


All of you, the vagina smells best exactly the means really! Never douche or else try to infuse the vagina with fields of marigolds. It has a stronger smell if you haven’t showered or have actually received really flushed, and that’s fine. (Sidenote: the ongoing scent of the girl on your disposal = miracle). However, if for example the vagina smells very pungently fishy that your companion can smell it inside pants from over the place,
you might have BV
and may
get see a gynecologist

Performing The Lesbian Sex

To be truthful, we kinda wouldn’t like you to definitely peruse this. We want you to need certainly to figure it out for your self, like we did! You guys, its so fun while can end up being nude or half-naked with another woman! Appropriate?! Intercourse are definitely the best when you quit considering and leave the human body consider for you!

There are additionally at the least 1,000 sex tips we could give you for the rest of the sex life, but nowadays we are gonna remain really






Just ’cause you’re both females doesn’t mean just what feels very good to you personally will feel good to the girl. You both can show what is actually operating and understandingn’t through words, noises, or bodily feedback. Do not be ashamed to inquire of questions or volunteer what you like. It really is such as the Hot/Cold online game, but nude and much more slippery! Saying “what do you really like” is completely anything we do. Very is laughing.
We advice plenty of laughing

Lesbian Intercourse Foreplay

There are a lot of circumstances happening in the torso region for both people to understand more about, like BREASTS and ears, and using those areas of the body is actually fun AND a sensible way to get lubed up before every particular immediate vaginal get in touch with occurs (if that’s what you want). Some people can orgasm from stimulation of different body parts in addition to the vadge, too. (whether or not it’s your own or your partner’s very first time getting penetrated, don’t try using the
jackhammer bang within five minutes of the very first tongue kiss, simplicity into that crap!)

Manual Clitoral Stimulation

This is an excellent place to start. Rather self-explanatory. Once more, some individuals will require your hand to become a vibrator plus some will wish to be handled with serious delicacy. Figure out by inquiring!

Oral gender can be so amazing
so it practically is like cheating. Like happened to be lips meant to go truth be told there, or is that something humankind determined alone? Per constantly, err unofficially of delicate. This will be either “teasing” or “how she wants it,” depending on the girl. This might even be paired with fucking/g-spot arousal, but we are beginning quick these days, so, once again, enjoy yourself. Often for those who have human anatomy picture dilemmas, being eaten down will make you feel really revealed. Therefore close the sight, everything is ok. Also remember to
training safer intercourse with dental care dams


While in doubt, begin slow/soft/delicate and create up to since fast/hard as she desires it. Ensure she is moist prior to trying entrance —
lubricant is a great option to do that
. Subsequently:

+ start out with your index little finger within just slightly, immediately after which right in right after which make the second finger if she wishes. (Next a third if she wants, etc etc) do not get too quickly, give the woman time to respond.

+ look closely at where your some other fingers tend to be! If you have your index/middle hands inside this lady, will be your thumbnail digging into her internal thigh? Look at your shit.

+ Some women don’t want to be penetrated for various factors, including distress, sex identity or gender expression,
and/or a preference for a specific sexual character
(like in “I shag you, that you do not shag myself.”) If that is you and your partner gets in that area, politely move her hand and tell this lady in which you do desire to be handled (or that you’d instead touch her).


Today, keeping the hand down the woman jeans or more the woman canal can be your first impulse, or even it’s that which you’ve observed on

The L Term

, but that is only one of a lot magical techniques girls shag different girls. You’ll discover 365 approaches to basically dry hump (you


keep the lingerie on for this, it may be much easier, but please do lose the shirt, for the reason that it’s more fun). You’ll essentially scrub through to any section of her body or rub vadge-to-vadge just about throughout everything.

Much More Resources For Great Lesbian Gender:

The Greater Number Of You Understand

  • USUALLY DO NOT DONT compare body parts

    . Comments are great! But resist the desire to provide an assessment of your components onto your go with with regards to the woman parts. ‘Your [part] is really so so much more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • In case you are handling non-gender-conforming people then it’s far better ask before connecting what is ok and what isn’t. Exact same for coping with gender conforming people!
  • You really have the right feeling safe and comfy, meaning
    is key so is
    better gender
    — please get a check-up and confer with your companion about any STIs you or she could have before leaping into bed.
  • Whether you’re 16 or 36, you are not “BEHIND.” Considering the patriarchy, it is going to elevates about 15 seconds to locate details about the average get older from which heterosexual people lose their V-Cards (16-17), but no these analysis exists for lesbians as far as we can inform. Therefore we’ve done a casual review of Team Autostraddle, that is an unhealthy trial populace because we are all under 35 and clearly “out” enough to end up being


    Team Autostraddle therefore, we imagine, most likely much more intimately seasoned compared to typical lesbian bear. Irrespective, by age and season of “virginity loss”:

Among the completely non-representative test sized queer females, the common age for “our first-time” is actually 19.4.

According to the site meetfuck.org/local-sluts.html

Relevant Listings

Parts of the body that would be erogenous otherwise no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ throat

+ nipples

+ inner thighs

+ feet

+ arms

+ ass

+ little from the straight back

Many people Do and Some Men And Women You Should Not:

+ wish to be penetrated

+ orgasm from penetration

+ climax

+ include adult toys into intercourse

+ enjoy g-spot stimulation

+ need hands-on clitorial arousal to orgasm

+ prefer clitorial stimulation AND vaginal penetration to climax

+ take pleasure in anal penetration or
butt plugs
consuming butt

+ use

+ climax at all

+ identify as

+ fantasize during intercourse

+ recognize as either a ”
” or a ”

+ recognize as either “butch” or “femme”

+ want to be naked while having sex

+ wish the lighting on during sex

+ think its great rough

have an STI

+ wanna

Items That Could Happen Very First Some Time And Include Completely Good:

and actually sopping your whole bed (it isn’t really urine, we pledge) (additionally, its amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ unintentionally cutting/lacerating the pussy (
this occurs to old pros, also
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ not

Getting injured

+ Tensing upwards while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast-based infections

+ Taking 30+ moments to climax

+ your own supply obtaining exhausted

+ Sobbing

+ Chuckling

+ Thoughts

+ No thoughts

+ Not experiencing such as the entire world altered

+ experiencing like entire world altered

+ Feeling like you’re on a new amount of intimacy together with your spouse

+ perhaps not appreciating it

Try not to end up being as well goal-oriented. Plenty of people never appear the first time — lots of people do not appear on a regular basis during intercourse anyway! If neither of you carry out, there is gonna be an instant when you feel like you’re completed anyhow, like the encounter has ended, and this might feel weird, but it’s maybe not odd, it occurs. Stop when you’d end any physically exhausting task — as soon as you don’t feel it anymore. Just laugh and maybe remain nude and hug and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians want to cuddle. Or ask the girl to display you how she gets herself down and the other way around — shared genital stimulation is a great back-up arrange for whenever you both desire to arrive but can’t frequently have it this time. Plus it’s hot to look at and discover exactly what she really does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Intercourse Bible

More practices and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer females that draws near the topic with humor and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex World

: The address of the guide is indeed unusual and 90s, but you can install it for $2.99 from Amazon and it is — it is simply FUN. It’s extremely sex-positive and is deserving of becoming a cult regular regarding the lesbian publication world beginning now.


The Lesbian Sex Book: A Separate Guide for people

, by Felice Newman: The regular. Buy it, learn it, stay it, love it.


Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: I bet you do not know anything towards Joyride, Tongue and Groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, lady Wrap or Velvet line, perform ya? Well you could change that.


Getting Off: A Lady’s Guide to Masturbation

: From intercourse writer and masturbation specialist Jayme Waxman.


Our Bodies, Ourselves: A Fresh Edition for another Period

: speak to the womynhood.


The fresh new Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with GENUINE LIVE LESBIANS about their gender everyday lives, comes with the effect of reminding you that there is most lesbians nowadays having sex and it’s not simply your partner(s) within teeny little community by water.


Treatment Sex: A Mind-Body Way Of Healing Sexual Trauma

: “the initial motivating, sex-positive guide for all females survivors of sexual assault — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, paired, and solitary — who want to reclaim their particular gender resides.”

Web Pages:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational gender good feminists whose discussion on sexuality and feminism entertains and educates while delving to the Politics of females’s sex.” Includes
a collection of “how-to” videos
for many different sexual functions, including “first-time lesbian intercourse.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“all you ever wished to {know about|learn about|find out about|un